~~~PROMISES....~~~MEMOIRS......

This was a poem i wrote, and when i read it again, today... It brought many memories, and i realized one thing. It's so easy to make promises and MEAN them at the time you make it. But two years down the road, whatever memories you had, whatever you went through, whatever WAS, isn't anymore. The promises remain empty words, though the scar, the pain and the impact, never leave. I wonder why.

I can't believe i was rummaging through my inbox. I'm just so restless. I'm supposed to be sleeping, it's only 4.00am but i can't. I can't shut my eyes. I feel depressed. I SHOULDN't be actually. But i am. For some reason. I feel really agitated, betrayed and irritated. for SOME reasons. I think i might need a psychiatrist. Seriously.

WEll anyways, i was just rummaging through my inbox and as i have them organized in folders, i was reading each folder and all the sent items. And now, wen i read this poem, which I wrote, the memories just flood me. It's like i'm reliving the moment all over again, in a very painful way.

There are so many things we promise people, but rarely keep them. For instance, i promised my mum i'd eat well, as i am home alone again, n she left some budget for my food, n dis MR.Dave finished up all those money servicing da blady car as later have to travel to KL... But i didn't eat well today as i promised, yet it feels like nothing. Why?? Maybe it's because of the fact that she's too close with me and no matter how much i say or do something, she will stil love me.. duh... she is my MUM lar...... LOL!!! see! dis is how promises flies away to nowhere....   sometimes i do agree, promise are meant to be broken.. but WTH...

its P-R-O-M-I-S-E.. U SHUD KEEP IT WOKAYH!!!

How can something, at some point of time in your life, mean the WORLD to you and two years down the road, still mean a lot to you, but not in the same intensity.

I'm actually afraid that today will not be anything meaningful in another two years time

Even though there WAS nothing meaningful, still, the emotions we feel at this very moment is priceless.

Someone once said "This moment will be a memory in the next few minutes"

Even as i type, the moments pass by.

I don't really know the direction i'm heading with this post. Is it memories, is it promises?

I don't know.

I really don't know.......

If u hav any idea bout dis, dun forget to tell me.. alrite? hahaha

Of all the promises i've made to you here's a few i can't promise,

I can't promise you that the dark clouds that hover over us,

Will be gone as soon as it came nor can i state when the sun will rise,

I can't promise you that everything will always turn out right without outbursts,

I can't promise you that the future will diminish the stormy nights,

And bring forth many rainbows to brighten our lives,

I can't promise you that everything can be done without a fight,

I can't promise you that things will be made easy so we don't have to hide,

I can't promise you that death will be imminent in the beholders eyes,

But......I can promise you this,

I can promise you my everlasting devotion,my loyalty,my respect,

and my unconditional love for a lifetime without a prospect

I can promise that I'll always be there for you,to listen

To hold your hand,and do my best to make you happy and glisten,

with smiles on your face....

I can promise that we'll go through any crisis race,

Together..I'll hope with you,dream with you,build with you,

and always cheer you on and encourage you

I can promise that I'll share my dreams my world,

and every aspect of my life with you.....

All these......I promise you......

TIme for Money?

I came across this mail in my inbox, and was reminded of my niece, whom i haven't seen in almost a month. My baby Lila . I miss her. Somethin i wudn ever forget bout her is wen she slapped me because i carried a baby nephew of mine instead of her! daym, dat was one heck of a slap... n guess wat she said, " never sayang other babies other than me, u shud only sayang me".... my goodness.. dat was cute n evil rite..! haha.. Its because i used to entertain her all those time wen  her mum scold her n she turn out to be attached to me more than her mum. 

P/S : Can't wait to get to Taiping and tickle her! hahaha...

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?

'DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy'squestions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think

:Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man.'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.

'The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours.

But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
People say Time is Money...
anyhow, u can spend Time to have Money..
But can u spend Money to have Time?

P/S: so folks, ...

Never take someone for granted...

Hold every person close to your heart cause you might wake up one day and realize that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones................

 

 

 

and never take ppl for granted thinkin n can pick up n throw them off wenever u want.. becoz at the end of the day, u may realise u had permanently lose their faith on u....

Specially Dedicated To All The Bi*ches n Bas*ards Out There... "Well Wishing"

*praying*.. Oh God, excuse me for a lil while...
HEY BUDDIES... here is some writings for all those exs', bitches n bastards that have messed with our lives...... =)








See, 
I dont know why I liked you so much
I gave you all of my trust
I told you, 
I loved you, 
now thats all down the drain....
U put me through pain....
I wanna let u know how I FEEL.....




*OK, Lets take it a lil' bit higher*- getting to the POINT!

 

*everyone raise ur mid finger up!*

FUCK what I said it dont mean SHIT now....
FUCK the presents might as well throw dem out...
FUCK all those kisses, they didn't mean JACK...
FUCK you, you HOE,
I dont want you back....

You thought..
you could...
Keep this shit from me..
YOU burnt BITCH, 
I heard the story
You played me, 
you even gave him head
Now you askin for me back!!
ITS just ANOTHER ACT!! 
LOOK ELSEWHERE..!
Cuz I AM D-O-N-E wit U!
  
You questioned, 
Did I care
You could ask anyone,
I even said
You were my great one.........
Now its, OVER,
but I do admit I'm sad.
It hurts real bad, 
I cant sweat that, 
cuz I loved a HOE..........


FUCK what I said it dont mean SHIT now....
FUCK the presents might as well throw dem out...
FUCK all those kisses, they didn't mean JACK...
FUCK you, you HOE,
I DONT WANT U BACK......




P/S : Ooopps its some kind of adult material.. PARENTAL GUIDANCE NEEDED... ROFLLL...

INVOLUNTARY

I refuse to be responsible in trying to mend something which YOU broke.

In case point, *something* refers to the HEART. I got this off Grey's Anatomy and honestly it made so much of sense to me. 


Just when you're trying to mend everything that's wrong. You get a feeling.

Numbness.

That feeling you get when you don't know what to feel. 

Wait. Lemme rephrase that. 

It's the feeling you get when you're content with NOT feeling anything. I wonder who came up with the word NUMB. Anyhow, that's how I'm feeling at the moment. Loads has being going on and sometimes you just feel you have had enough. Just because I choose not to react to something it doesn't mean I actually do not care. I do care, I just don't care enough to react. Or I probably think it's just a waste of my time to react to something so stupid.


A reaction will only provoke a series of reactions and my life is wonderful enough without the consequences of every reaction. 


I feel numb. I feel incapacitated. If a year ago, a little pebble would have been enough to send me to the boiling point, now, even boulders leave me calm. Rocks as big as the friggin' *i don't know how big* just leave me with even more to ponder about. I don't have laser retorts to everything that's being shot at me. 


That's when I realized, that I'm just probably going through this Numb phase. The phase where I choose to just sit back, relax and watch everything that's going on around me and everything that's happening without reacting to it. It feels much more calmer.


When I say calm, I'm actually comparing myself to the *ME* a year ago. I don't think I'm very happy these days. I mean. I am happy but just not as happy as I used to be. I find myself laughing whilst I'm in the company of my friends and family but other than that, I feel quite alone. 


I used to be very content with being by myself but now I find myself wiling my time away watching TV or Facebooking. I succumb myself to things that don't require me to think much. If i think too much, I end up crying myself to sleep. I'm holding back on the tears that can't fall and I'm holding on to a heart that refuses to break so that I can mend it back again.

SAYING THE RIGHT THING AT THE RIGHT TIME

(Something i found wen i ran thru my diary)
Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies,

"Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

RIGHT OR WRONG?

You know that feeling?

The one where you think you're doing something right but you know its something wrong and yet you couldn't possibly justify whether or not it IS right to start with and even when you end up with the conclusion that it is, in fact right, it still ends up being wrong?

Yeap.

It's one of those days.

I swear, that if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep in for tonight, I'm going to spontaneously combust.

And for those of you who looooove Bio, I've got my eye on you.

P/S : Its Christmas Eve!!!


* You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not scream I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town!!! Ho Ho Ho...

MEMORIES....~~~

Sometimes, it only take a while to realize that you've lost something for good and there's just no turning back.... But every single thing that happens in life is a lesson and perhaps, when you look back on it someday, you might think, oh hey, that's where I went wrong, but even then, you probably wouldn't get over the feelings, the emotions, the good times, the bad and even if you do, there would be that small scar scraped on the surface of your heart, and it would be there to stay.

Because that's what life is about. The good memories. The bad ones. The ones that make you fall off a chair because you're laughing so hard. The ones that make you cry when you're watching this sad, romantic movie, and it just reminds you of how hard it was to let go. 

Memories. 

They form a part of you. They determine who you are, or who you wanna be. People define themselves from memories. When they see someone they've met before, they go "Hey, I was that girl/guy you met at the coffee shop!! ". Every action is based on a memory, even the word "BEFORE", is a memory itself, something that has already happened. People put time frames on their memory, like, "I bought that car two days after we met that girlfriend of yours, " or " We went to watch that movie right after that football match, remember? ". 


Memories are powerful, they can strengthen bonds, tear bonds apart, but I have one solid question.


Where do all the memories go once you're gone? Who remembers your side of the story? Who would remember the exact way you felt, when you were running your first 100 meter sprint and getting a gold medal for that? Who would remember all the exhilaration, thoughts and ideas you had when you wrote your first book? Who would remember all the people you loved, lost and had?


What happens to all the memories???

KICKIN' IN THE START BUTTON....

Whaddup ya'll..... First time blogging render me nuts already... previous account got corrupted somehow, which i have no idea how... hahaha! da reason why i started to blog is to share things wit u guys, as such im suffering from BOREDOM!!! was thinking of blogging since long time...But now as time permits and exams over, im all yours now... N most importantly, i was out of contact with my English Language for quite some time.. Ever since finished MUET, i neva looked at those essays n writings... I believe its time to buckle up n start repairing my grammars n writing skills...! Buckle up peeps.. Gotta rough ride to go... =)