SIMPLE LIFE

You can't control the things that happen to you but you can control how you react to them :) Sounds like a very cliched quote right ?


I know. Tell me about it. I've been so caught up with all that's going on around me focusing mostly on the negative, that I have forgotten how to bhilosophy) :)
e positive, think positive and act positive. And I hate that side of me. But, I met a certain someone today, and he would prefer to be known simply as Dr.G ( PhD in Human P
And, he has agreed to give me a quote for living life, in a simple manner :) And I, in turn am going to upload his quotes, whenever he decides to grace my phone with his philosophical grace and presence :)


Quote 1 :


Date : 12 July 2011
Time : Confidential
Circumstances under which the message was received : Hehe. I was eating Roti Bakar with Nescafe Tarik :p Mmmmmmmm. Yummy :)


Basically, I was moping about something which I really wanted, and took a toll on me for the worse. And Dr.G, being the intellectual genius that he is, gave me a saying :) And it made me feel a lot better.


Ready for it ? Here comesssss !!


A for Apple, B for Ball...That is life.


The inner meaning : A for apple, and B for ball, is the simplest thing you learn in the English  Alphabet. Apply that simplicity to life, and life will be beautiful. Live life, simply :)


COURTESY OF DR.G :)

Who are we to judge the higher truth, when we ourselves can't handle it ?

Everything happens for a reason. At least that's what I've been told whilst I was growing up. And I'm willing to bet that 99.99 percent of you who's reading this, have heard that cliched line over and over, most probably when you were droning and wallowing in self-pity about something that has literally caused you to remain indignant. But then you ask yourself, is there really a reason for things that take place in your life ? A higher purpose ? A missing piece to the puzzle ? How do you handle the things that happen to you with poise and dignity?


Basically, that particular line " Everything happens for a reason" is a way of pacifying ourselves in times where you know that even the best psychologist will not be able to talk you out of the self-loathing and pity you have for yourself. But what if everything does happen for a reason? What if everything that takes place in your life, whether for better or for worse, is pre-planned and set to fall into place at all the exact times of your life in order for you to learn something, to heal, to emotionally transform and to experience the goodness of all that is around you?


A lot of us can't handle the truth and ingenuous facts that are laid out in front of us simply because we are human. You may think that I've been criticizing humans a lot recently but the truth is I'm just being plain straightforward. Like I said. We can't handle the truth most of the time. We prefer fabricating the truth to fit our perception, our liking and our personal inclination towards the things that matter to us the most. In other words, we see what we want to see and we hear what we want to hear. And most of us, excluding the atheists, blame the Higher Force for all of the things that go wrong in our lives. But what if there is something better waiting for us at the end of the line ?


My epiphany fit faith into the equation, because I've been questioning faith my whole life and am yet to get a sign telling me, faith is inside you and even if that sign comes, I would probably still question faith thinking that it's just a voice inside my head playing scrabble with my brains. Because in truth, I tend to believe in what I want to believe in. I see truth in what I want to see truth in. So yes, I fit faith into the equation when I question myself, "How do I make decisions today, without knowing what may or may not happen tomorrow. Isn't it a risk?".


There was this one quote I read, from somewhere, I can't remember where, but it sounded like this. "Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. But tell him there is wet paint on a bench and he will have to touch it just to be sure." You see? We believe the most outrageous things on earth, but simple facts, like wet paint, we find it hard to digest. To the question I asked previously, about making decisions? Yes. It is a risk. It's a risk I'm willing to take, because, FAITH is knowing you will be taught to fly, when you are teetering at the edge. I am teetering at the edge, but now, I know I'll be given wings to fly.


Back to my epiphany. We know we can't handle the truth. So who are we to judge the HIGHER TRUTH, of the occurrences in our lives, when we ourselves can't handle it? Shouldn't we just leave things be ? Why put our nose into something we can't handle? Isn't it easier to just surrender and let things take place? Force sets things into motion. That's the fundamental rule of physics.


Force yourself to surrender, and things might turn out your way after all.  

MY POOR BLOG... :D

At last, here I am back to my blog... LOL... Im so sorry my bloggie, missed you so much hunny pie.. Its been quite a while, hmmm actually a long time i reckon... IM SO SO SORRRYYYY... <3 I dont wan to make any excuse but seriously I had no time.. As i said earlier, i hardly adapt myself to changes, so yeah, i was adapting myself to this new environment of me in. After dis, I'll try my best to keep u up, make u up and cheer u up okay LOL.. Nuts am I? Hahaha.. Cheers folk..

Jar Of Hearts... - Christina Perri

This song is so amazing.. Beyond words could describe.. It explains my situation.. U know sometimes certain song's lyrics just fit perfectly into your shoes. Just when you are out of words to explain your state, a song will just sing it out for u...Might not be exact but it  reassemble some of your feelings, right...

I  know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore 
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Its Baby Time!!!

After some tired session, this cute fella slept off drinking milk.. 

He is too ADORABLE TO BE TRUE!

Not forgetting, he loves taking picture, but he never want to smile... The only way to stop his shrieking crying sound is CHEESEEE, SNAP!.. ADORABLE KAN KAN KAN..

The Four Letter Word...

 

I always thought four letter words were banned

But i know of one that makes life beautiful.

It works its wonders in mysterious ways,

And I think cupid's struck this hopeful,

Since I set my eyes on you...

And how much more can I portray to show that this is true.

My life is like candle in your hands to light your life.

When you are afraid of the darkness and blow it off when you are safe..

This candle will always light your way until it cannot strive,

I don't know how to explain this pain,

Its driving me crazy not being able to let it out

I think I'll go insane

You are special to me in so many different ways

I don't know exactly what sets you apart from the rest

but you've stolen my heart straight from my chest

It was locked with a key opened only by me

cause I didn't want to let anyone else in

but I opened it to you and let you in

and again over my mind my heart wins.

A feeling this strong can't be ignored

My heart has been whispering.........have you heard?

I would like to dedicate this poem to all those peeps indulging deeply in LOVE... 
Stay happy sweethearts... 
Love EVER, Hurt NEVER...  Cheers!

I'M NOT PERFECT.....

I will never be the perfect BOY. The one with the perfect hair that looks untouched no matter how many times he moves.


I will never be able to wear white without getting it dirty.

My jeans will always be a little crumpled.

My shoes will always have a little grime.

I will never eat silently. I will somehow end up talking when there’s food in my mouth. In fact, I doubt I’d ever stop talking.

My room will always be in a mess.

My bag will always be a dump.



I will always use the wrong words and the wrong times.

I will never be the one to hold my peace at the right time. I will always say what I feel like I need to. Of course, I will always feel like smacking myself silly the next day for not holding my peace.

I will always have ugly feet and terrible toenails.

I will never stop falling down accidentally.

I will never stop laughing out too loud.

I do drop things and sometimes they break.

I will always dance like there’s no tomorrow. I will always overwork myself. I will never stop saying Yes. i will always bark and fight at the slightest thing.

I will never learn to stop getting hurt.

I will end up missing all those person i never expect to miss in my life.

I will be friggin angry with a person, n when they ask sorry from me, i will end up melting n saying "nah, its ok, i never thought that way"..  *whacking my head*


My closet will end up like a mountain of clothes even after my mum tidy it up for me every week.. I wonder why mum never give up... 


I do fall for sweet strangers.. ahhh


I will always get my hair spoiled at any hairdresser. freak that...

I will always think of a person who doesn't even think of me. I know...

This is me, now and this is me always. I will never stop loving myself, now and forever. I may not be perfect, but I am definitely real.

LAYERS....

L A Y E R S.

Have you ever wondered what happened to the person you knew 10 years ago and realized how much they've changed ? How much time has changed both of you ? Or have you ever wondered what happened to the "old you" as opposed to the "new you", where in case point the old you used to be so much more happier, so much more optimistic, so much more daring? And the new you, for that matter is completely on the other end of the world, and you realize, that somehow, somewhere along life's path, you've even lost track of who you are.

There is a fine line between who you are and who you want to be. We all want to be the person everyone else is comfortable with, the life and soul of the party. But the question is, are WE comfortable with who we might or might not have become ? Technically, all of us are practically buried within ourselves. By layers. Yes, you read me right. Layers. Layers of hurt, frustration, depression, anger, boredom and defense. We're so layered by everything we do that we're buried underneath those layers. Think about it, not only are we layered by our emotions, we're also layering each and everything that we do. When was the last time you concentrated on the one thing you're doing instead of doing two things at the same time ?

"The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die within us while we still live"

By living amidst all the layers we have buried ourselves under, we're only making it harder for "us" to find ourselves. You find yourself wallowing in resentment and self-pity and lashing out when you don't even know what got you pissed off in the first place. We hang on to all the layers we have built under our defense and shut ourselves off completely from getting hurt. There's the catch. Sure, you can shut yourself out from the cold, cruel world and salvage what's left of your petty emotions and keep from getting hurt. But if you keep out the dark, you're also keeping out the light. You can't have one without the other. That's balancing. Enjoy the happiness, that flows into your life, without suspicion. Enjoy letting people keep you happy, compliment you without suspicion. See things the way they are. Don't analyze.

I realized how layered I have become when I looked back and saw how much the world had changed, to my view, that is. And that's when I remembered, that the world is just your mirror. When we define someone, judge someone, in truth, we're only defining and judging ourselves.

A Moment Has Gone By...

We all grow up,
as sitting together with the brothers watching a disney movie becomes a memory laden with the background music of popeye the sailor man.
leaving the carefree days of childhood innocence and of thinking your parents are the most perfect people in the world.
we wonder whats come of our friends from primary school days.
who they've grown into; married and had children to?
we remember the tears we shed when our first grandparent died, or if not, the first death experienced,
and of our parents explaining how all life has to eventually come to an end.
you cry some more thinking of losing more family, wishing life was immortal.
the first death always brings with it, this eternal fear of death.

Now you look at where you stand?
Who's around you? do you see your youngself in the eyes of your kids?
surely you've experienced the pang of goodbyes, of heartaches,
experienced the brutality of society..even family,
as people grow into the persons they are today and lifes many dissenting opinions bare down on us.
have you ever wondered what happened to all those years in between? a decade has gone by. maybe two. are u living off of just memories or are you building upon those that precede the present day?
they say blood is thicker than water, i dont know why they compare family to friends? my friends are like a thick mixture of syrup.
take a moment to remember the journey you've been on!

Survival....

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” –Charles Darwin.

The quote above, was from the man behind the secret of evolution of man itself. You’ve got to give him credit for it. The guy’s a genius. And it’s funny how quotes like this, which were quoted so long ago actually apply to the modern day world. I’m not talking about evolution physically, but psychologically. Change is inevitable. The only consistent thing that happens in a human’s life, is change, regardless of whether it is welcome or not. We can’t control change. We can’t control what happens to us on a daily basis. We can’t possibly foresee the changes that are about to take place, unless, of course you’re a person with psychic abilities. Well if you are. Then good for you. The rest of us, including myself, are normal human beings who have no idea how, or when, change takes place. We’re all susceptible to it.


At some point, everyone is going to change. Some call it growing up. I call it adapting. Which is what this whole post is about. Most of us are bad at accepting change. When I say most of us, I particularly mean myself. I’m resistant to change. I give it my all to keep change out of my life. I spend months, if not weeks trying to accept a simple blatant fact. And I realized, that’s not very healthy. If I kept on doing that, I’ve just limited my mental and physical barriers to what is and not what will be. I realized, that everyone experiences loads of changes in life. Educational, in and out of relationships, divorces, marriages, travel, death, life, new clothes, throwing out old ones, stacking memories to the back of the mind, relishing old memories, making new ones and the list goes on. All of those is change. And to survive, we have to adapt to it. Think of it as a game. That’s how I’m dealing with it on a daily basis. I thought I could never go another day, when I had my first heart break, when I first failed the most important paper of my life, when people I love walked out on me, when everything just seems like a vacuum. And then I started adapting. I started pushing away feelings into this numb void. A void that I never opened up, if I could help it.


Sooner or later, my mind began to accept what my heart couldn’t. And I moved on. And so I survived. You must be thinking, what is he talking about. We’re all surviving. We’re all alive. That’s where you could probably be wrong. We’re all alive, in the literal sense that we have oxygen to keep breathing and a heart that pumps. But I used to die, and suffocate internally on a daily basis. I used to welcome pain to succumb me whenever I’m at my weakest point. Then I fought back. When I learnt to accept. I adapted. I underwent change to adapt myself to the situations around me, the ones I couldn’t accept. Then I stopped dying. I stopped suffocating. I started to breathe. I started to live. I started to SURVIVE.

P/S: Changing to to a better way of living is essential...
If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. LOL... CHEERS~~~

The Best From The Rest...

Kaushalya Chandini...
Wherever you may be, I just wanted to let you know that you are amazing. I wanted to thank you for everything you have ever done for me. You have always been there when I needed you, and you were always by my side when times got rough. I want to thank you for trusting me, and listening to me when I needed you to. I wanted to let you know that everything you do means a lot to me even though it seems as if most of it is trivial and stupid. I wanted to thank you for letting me help you, even though I know that you really know how to do whatever it is that I help you with.

It's only been three, almost four years since I met you, but it seems like its been a lifetime. I never really thought that I would get to know you so well, in the beginning I used to make fun of you behind your back. Then I got to know you, and I grew fond of you. I began to see who the real you was. I learned to see the good in people because of you.

I know we did have some hard times around us, although its truly heart breaking, we learn to make best out of it, we adapted ourselves to it.. I wondered how would i survived the time when i was broken, if I don't have u by my side, knocked my head and lifted me up... hahaha...

Cheers girl! No matter what happens, our friendship will not come to any end..U have been one of the best friend in my life... And I hope we will always be...
Lotsa Lovey Dovey!!!

p/s: I just L-O-V-E this picture... I guess this is the time where we get close, practically the first picture that we took together and not forgetting stupid problems that was provoked coz of this picture. Anyhow screw all of that, I don't give a damn...... Thanks heavens for the dance session! xoxoxoxo

I'm Broken Into Pieces.....

Waking up early in the morning, i was kinda excited because today there is a small reunion with my closest friends... I was actually kinda scared how to make it to the reunion because I didn ask my parents' permission yet... Once i dropped off my parents at work, I just splutter out, "Dad, can i join my friend's reunion today?"... Amazingly, daddy said "Yes ok, take care, drive carefully...".. Overjoyed I drove back home, trying to finish off all those house works, laundries and a small cooking session, i get ready for the reunion... As usual, my hair! Kept on giving me problems.. Haiz, regardless how the hair dresser messed up my hair yesterday altough I said not too short, and it ended up like she left only 5mm of hair on my head (wonder hw wud she cut my hair if i never mention not too short).. Hate it...

-back to the story-

Reaching the coffee shop, i was kinda nervous, God Knows Why... My ex is there as well, i knew it earlier actually... But what the heck right? I wanna meet my friends.. Not that bitch.. I need to show the face reaction of mine saying, I AM OVER YOU, HONEY...

I went into the place, n spotted the table where 4 of them sitting, they saw me walking in and i just get myself a sit there... I really wanted to hugg each of them real tight! Missed them so much... In my bag, I bought each person a small gift... As i reaching my hand for the gifts in my bag, my close friend, Mr.L asked me, WHO INVITED U HERE ANYWAY? ARE U MISPLACED OR WAT... DID WE CALLED U HERE?

My heart went into pieces at once... I felt like am I dreaming or what... Their face turned out to be like unpleased that I am there... I was stunned for a moment, rendered speechless, I was invited by them, and why are they talking like this... Mr G said "Omg, look at who's here...Unbelievable..!"

Then, i knew they were mad that I never turn out to their previous hangout... Seriously i know i cant make it because they held it at a pub, n I m highly forbidden from being there... I told them that my Dad don't give me the permission. They seemed cool about it, but now they are taking revenge.. But, which friend on this earth will take revenge on another friend... I seriously felt like a big stone is being dropped in my heart... They stopped talking a while... I knew I have to make a move, I just said, "Hmmm i left my wallet in the car, excuse me".. I never talk this formal with them... But now they just seem like bunch of strangers to me.. No more love in their eyes, none of them said HI.. What am I supposed to do... I just walk away from the place into my car... Once inside the car, I broke down, I knew if i stayed there a little longer, I would have embarrassed myself, crying in front of people... I took the gifts n just put it on the counter and asked the waiter to pass it to their table.. I cant take back those gifts back home... It was for them... And i texted one of them, saying " Dude, I'm not feeling quite well, u guys carry on please...N Thanks..." I switched off my phn n drove back home... I was thinking that is the best move I can do at that situation..

I never want to be a reason for them to pull the reunion to a dull one... Thinking of all this n crying all over it, I reached home.. I could'nt actually remember how i drove back, I didn even remember pressing the accelerator, pressing the brake or even changing the gears.. All i know is I reached home n then I asked myself how did I drove here.. I don't remember seeing any traffic lights also, and even the roads.. It was a 20km journey and i don't even remember a single road i passed by n i don't recall stopping at any of the 8 traffic lights along the way... I should blame myself for being so out of focus... Seriously, I am all broken and dismantled..

I guess I just lost my closest friends... I am really sorry if u guys think that I am thinking bad of u all, I don't know whether u guys will read this or not but I just want u all to know that I love each one of u so much.. Even now, I am not angry or what, I am just broken into pieces of the way guys treated me after all this years we have been together, through all those ups and downs...

I am broken.. =(

Change Isn't Always Good

Ever thought that some day you might just look back and think, DANG, that sure wasn't worth it.

But sometimes, the point is not whether or not it was worth it gaining something, but losing something else in the process. The point is, that you're learning from your mistakes, and you know that even if a meteor hit you in the face you probably would never make the same mistake.

Life is short. I'm not just quoting someone. I really mean that life is short.

You think you have your whole life ahead of you and then one day when you wake up, you just realise, that time is your enemy. 19 today, 20 this year, 30 in ten years. Tt's the blady big 3-0.

Where are you headed from there on end? What you do today might not even be important twenty years down the road. That's why people say time heals. Fight with your BFF today and twenty years down the road, you're mature adults willing to let go of the feud.

Feelings will change. Priorities will change. Love will change. Perspectives, outlooks, grievances. ALL these things will change.

And the best part, we won't even realise that we're changing, what more what caused the change.

Think about it.

DANCING HEART AND SOUL....

If there is something that I am EXTREMELY PASSIONATE about in the world, that would be DANCE...!!! Its something that i love doing it so much.. Seriously, if thers any beat music playing, either my hands or my foot will start to move and follow the beat... Not forgetting, if the music was tremendously awesome, sorry people, i will lose control... I will fall into this My-Own-World-.... But to be frank, i feel shy sometimes to dance in front of people.. But dancing on the stage is different, u noe why? Supposedly there are spotlights, u cant just see the audience... hahaha.. so theres no getting freaking-nervous...

The musics got me going higher as I feel like I can touch the sky...
Its taking me higher, higher....Higher off the ground...hahaha.. biasa la over excited...
Practically i wasnt a born dance lover.. It was wen i was in form5, i joined a group to do a simple performance for a wedding reception.. Well since then, i just love dance.. Mainly because people always says dat i got the style and have my good expression n moves... It inspires me.. What else inspire us more than some supportive sentences rite?

This is a picture of my group wen we dance for this couple's wedding reception...




It was really a nice experience.. But i tell u one thing! the costume and the dance steps did not go together.. i mean, ther was a shawl for us to put on..luckily we pin it, but some of the steps is jumping steps rite, then the shawl kept on hitting my face.. Getting irritated, i pull it n choke my neck.. LOL!! I acted steady n pulled it back wen moving to another step.. It is really funny that this thing happened... Just wen u dun expect something to happen, it tends to just happen on time without failing.. God knows why.... HAHAHA...

Being Heart Broken, I Should Really Thank You......

Everything I know about love
I learned from you,
And everything I know about pain
I learned from you,
You were my only,You were my first
You showed me lonely, and you took me in when I was hurt
But the most important thing you ever gave me
Was the one that hurt the most
So thank you for the broken heart,
And thank you for the permanent scar,
'Cause if it wasn’t for you, I might forget
How it feels to let go, and how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart
I still remember when you called
And said that he didn’t mean anything
How could you expect me to look at you
The same way
You were my only but not my last
You showed me lonely, and you made me put you in the past
But the most important thing you ever gave me
Was the one that hurt the most
So thank you for the broken heart,
And thank you for the permanent scar,
'Cause if it wasn’t for you, I might forget
How it feels to let go, and how it feels to get a brand new start
So thank you for the broken heart
And every time I find myself alone in pieces
I find myself
I’ll just remember when you hurt me and I made it
So thank you for the broken heart
And thank you for the permanent scar
Cause if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here
With the love of my life, all my pain disappear
I’ve come so far
So thank you for the broken heart

I'll never have a broken heart again

Letting You Go....~~~ I Am Walking Away....

God.

I dunno what is wrong with me and why I'm feeling this way.

What am I feeling?

Oh. Just the usual.

Depressed. Agonized. Traumatized.

I woke up in cold sweat today morning, not knowing what caused the breakout. There's been so many random things going on, that there just isn't much sense talking about it. Maybe I'm just so sick of my life at the moment and I just can't find the will to go another day. It's the same old thing, I felt two years ago.

Everything keeps coming back, just when I was starting to get my life in shape.

This was me. Two years ago.

And right now, I just can't put my finger on the exact reason why I'm feeling so depressed. I'm avoiding all my thoughts for now, and I barely leave myself alone for even a minute, because I'm so afraid, I might end up thinking too much, and before you know it, You'll be reading my crematory ad in the Star Newspaper.

I'm keeping myself occupied. Very, very occupied. I try to wake up later than usual, so that I have to rush and do stuff, I shower longer than usual. I have removed all pills, whatsoever from my viscinity and I'm just praying I stay sane enough to get back to my normal hyper self.

I'm not meant to be depressed.

  Dave = Hyper.

NOT depressed.........!!!

I successfully fit all the major symptoms of depression and I'm majorly on a crying spree. That's what I've been doing mostly because I'm so sick of myself at the moment. I thought I've been over everything and that self-destructive part of me would never surface again, but, I was wrong.

This one's for you : (

Everytime I look back on our relationship ( I don't have a proper word for it seeing as we never got together, but came pretty close to doing so) it's always just problems and our incessant arguing. It seems like problems were basically what defined our entire relationship. In the first half, it was because you were controlling me TOO much and I wasn't very happy with that. Towards the end, it was because you were not controlling me at all, that I just didn't seem to care about you anymore, and I wasn't very happy with that either. We had a fall out. I messed up. I don't deny that.


All throughout everything we've ever been through, we've been arguing. Because you cared. But one day you just stopped caring. And so the arguing stopped.

Despite that, I think what you and I had was really what would have made a good relationship. The fact that we were never static.

"If there’s one thing I learnt from all this, it’s that I was horribly mistaken. I thought imperfections soil a relationship. I thought they shaken the very foundation of a relationship and it is a shameful thing, a thing that ought to be tucked away from the light.

But now I realize that arguments, problems and tears … that’s what you call a perfect relationship."

Back to my point, we were never static. We fought, cried, laughed, hated each other's guts, made up, pissed each other off, did horrible things to one another, loved, lost it, loved again, more crying ... but we were doing so great together. Even as best friends.

And then it all stopped. And indifference filled the void.

That's why I broke down.

I've known you for 4 years.4 years is a very long time. We shared a life together, and traces of that life can be seen everywhere. They're all within an arm's reach, mentally and physically.

I'm a usual figure at ur family events, ur is the object of adoration for my family. All that connection and ties are still around.

We've been through so much , ups and downs, given up so much for the other.
We've had a lot of history together, you can tell just by reading my 5 diaries. We were really close and at one point, we could have really just gotten married there and then. We were both that emotionally prepared to spend the rest of our lives together.

Truth be told, even right now, I feel like I can. If u proposed to me right now, part of me feels like I can take this shit. I still love u, I do. But the other part, the bigger part of the 19-year-old me right now ... is why I'm letting u go.
 
I need to let you go. Because if i don't, I won't be living my life. I'll be living what's left of the pieces of memories i can resurrect of you.
 
I love my life. I love everything I have right now. I'm supposed to be happy. I WANT to be happy. I'm not saying you're at fault. I'm not saying you're not. Heck, I don't even know if you realize my existence anymore and the thing is, right now, that doesn't matter anymore.
 
Because, for the first time in my life, cutting my wrist seemed like such a stupid thing to do. Even when I did it two years ago, it did not hit me in the gut, and I did not wake up feeling depressed even after three days. Because, all I needed was attention, two years ago. Now, I don't want that attention. I just want this feeling of emptiness to go away. I want this void to go away. I want to feel like me again. I want to laugh, I want to cry, I want to live my life for me. Not live my life in hope that you'll come back to me some day.

I'm not saying you're the reason I'm depressed. I'm not saying you were a reason for me to hurt myself. There were, of course, other reasons. You weren't the trigger. But, you were the pain that flooded afterwards.
 
Right now, what's more depressing than anything is the fact that I don't KNOW if I can FEEL me anymore. I'm dying, and trying to be normal again. Not because I have to. But because I want to.

I can't suffocate any longer.
 
I'm letting you go, for me.........

NEVER GIVE UP ON ANYTHING

Its Madness....


To hate all roses, because you got scratched by one thorn.

To give up all your dreams, because one did not come true.

To lose faith in prayers, because one was not answered.

To give up on your efforts, because one of them failed.

To condemn all your friends, because one of them betrayed.

Not to believe in love, because someone was unfaithful.

Remember that, another chance may come up.

A new friend, A new love, A new life.

Never give up on anything!

FEELINGS... HOW MESSY THEY CAN GET.....

We are all slaves to love. If a human is unable to love, he won't be termed as a human in the first place. Love is inseparable from humans. It is love that binds one to another, the same love that binds to God. Even hatred is a form of love. You can never hate someone whom you do not care at all. If you look at it close enough, hatred is a form of intense love that has been diverted, disguised, and betrayed by your eyes and heart.

I have had my ups and downs in Love. I have witnessed true love. But I came across this particular character who had so much of obstinacy than love. If I rewind the months, I saw the same obstinacy just as I am witnessing again in that person. Being stubborn in an issue is al-right. But how can one be just obstinate all along the way. In order for things to work out, a person first has to give and take. Secondly, understand a person from their perspectives and be mindful of the surroundings. A relationship doesn't work without commitment and understanding. And what was the best is showing the same obstinacy in almost every single issue. I do not like any form of selfishness, obstinacy or even a single act that you call it modernity, but totally wrong to the eyes of the onlookers. This is why I  gave the person up, I made sure the truth was forked out, and I ironed things out. I am not a person who lives any kind of way. I know this is very wrong to blog  about. I will cut it short. I made my decision long time ago when I took back the purple heart. 

I do not hate this person but thanks, I did learn something. And everything is back to normal.